Goodbye
by slow as christmas
Summary: Set when Kakashi leaves with team 7 and team 8.:: I just sat there, staring into his gray eye that was half lidded, the rain spattering onto his silver hair and soaking him completely; he was waiting...:: Warning: character death. kaka/iru


I just sat there, staring into his gray eye that was half lidded, the rain spattering onto his silver hair and soaking him completely; he was waiting, waiting patiently for my answer. I couldn't lie to him, but I couldn't tell him the truth either; if I told him, if I let him in - I would crumble and no one could fix that. I shrugged and I heard him sigh lowly, almost a growl, "Dammit, Iruka." That warm eye squinted shut as he rubbed his covered eye wearily. "I can't help you if you don't tell me anything."

I shrugged again - I couldn't tell him, I wanted to - I just couldn't. "It's nice outside."

"It's fucking raining." His teeth were clenched and he pushed the words through them, his voice raising ever so slightly.

It was nice. I liked the rain, adored it - almost felt at peace when it rained really. "I don't mind it."

"You'll catch a damn cold." He hissed, gray eye looking down at me from his standing position above me.

I couldn't deny that - I probably would; I always did. But I didn't care, I needed this and I needed him to go away. "Go back inside. I'll be there in a few minutes. Why not pour a warm bath for us, hm?" I attempted a smile; but it didn't make its way to my eyes so I avoided eye contact. He could always read my eyes so easily it was frightening.

He paused and I could feel his eye on me, trying to figure me out. "Fine." His voice was low and I almost didn't hear it over the patter of rain; and then he was gone. I waited a little longer, it must have been thirty more minutes, before I finally crawled from the roof and entered through the open window of my bedroom. In the door to the bathroom stood Kakashi, a towel around his waist as he held a hand out to me. Exhausted, I placed my hand in his and he slowly and gently stripped me of my wet clothes then lowered me into the steaming bath. He followed, sitting behind me and wrapping strong arms around me, comforting me even though he didn't know the problem or how to fix it. I felt his chin rest on my shoulder and his lips graze my neck in a slight kiss, "S'bout Naruto." He breathed the words and instinctively I tensed.

"How did you -" I paused and relaxed against his strong chest.

"My picture was moved."

What? I hadn't moved it that far off the top of his bed, really, he shouldn't have noticed that. "I have pictures here - what makes you think I would look at your team picture?"

"Because it has all of them," He paused and whispered the next few words against the base of my neck, "and they were happy together."

I shivered and sank deeper into the warm water, wanting to forget everything; just wanting to drown in a sea of a perfect world with no pain. A strong hand eased over my chest and rested just above my heart, feeling the rhythm that was slightly erratic because of the flood of emotions. I soft "Hn." was the only response to my irregular heart and then I was slowly being washed and massaged. Soft kisses were placed on my neck and shoulders, but only there as though it were safe territory. I leaned my head back against his shoulder as he leaned to wash my thigh, "You're not worried?"

"Hm, not really. He's a strong kid."

"Not when it comes to the people he cares about - he doesn't act like he should; you know that." I sighed and closed my eyes, wanting to forget everything but those massaging hands on my inner thigh.

"Doesn't act the way we think he should; that doesn't mean it's not the way he should act."

I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling as I let his words sink into my mind; he had a point. Naruto always acted 'wrong' and yet somehow it all ended like it should; usually things went wrong when the 'smarter' ninja intervened. With Sasuke and Gaara - he shouldn't have engaged the boy so much, shouldn't have acted so emotionally, shouldn't have left his teammates without having backup… and yet Gaara was changed and was now one of the best allies we had. Sasuke - so many would have given up on him and deemed it a lost cause, and yet Naruto still pursued him, still counted him as a close friend - even after three years apart. He should have given up so many times in the past, against Neji, against Mizuki, against the entire village… but everything ended better than it was before. "Do you think…" I paused and but my lip, "Do you think he'll make it better this time? Do you even think he'll make it out ali-" I couldn't finish the word, tears prickling at the back of my eyes; I didn't even want to think about Naruto's death.

The massaging hands stopped and I didn't want to look into that warming gray eye, so I closed my eyes. Kakashi shifted and whispered into my ear, "'Ruka, I believe he'll fix everything for everyone - without any doubt in my mind. I know he will - and he'll still be here when you and I are old and living near a hot spring because our old bones hurt so much."

I half smiled, "But Kashi, you already do that on weekends." I feel him smile against my neck and he nips softly on the skin with his pointed teeth. I needed this - I needed Kakashi. I frowned, "You'll be heading out with Team 7 and 8 tomorrow?" He nodded and continued washing me, long arms reaching around me to my bent knees, "To find Sasuke?"

He nodded again, "If we run into Akatsuki we'll retreat immediately; won't let them have him."

I wasn't worried about them; if Naruto wanted, he could kill them all instantly. It was the demon within Naruto that I was worried about the most. I whispered, "His seal…."

Kakashi tensed then relaxed against me, kissing softly down my neck and shoulders, "'Ruka, you shouldn't worry about such things."

"Kakashi, his seal." My voice was stern but cracked slightly on the last word. "How is his seal?"

The jounin behind me stood, covering me with a towel as he lifted me. "You're tired and need to sleep, Iruka. Don't worry about Naruto. Tenzou is with us."

"B-but," I chewed on my bottom lip as Kakashi carried me to my bed and lay me down gently, "what if it's too much for him? We don't know what happens if all the tails come out - it may be too strong for Tenzou. And then what? We'll lose him - completely…."

"Shush, 'Ruka." He murmured against my neck and I felt his weight on top of me, almost crushing but being slightly supported on his knees. "He'll be fine. They'll all come back alive." I sighed, melding into the man above me, needing him and his comfort.

"What about you, Kashi? Will you come back alive?" There was a soft sigh but no answer as he covered my mouth with his. It was a different taste, a taste of uncertainty and I felt the tears flow freely down my cheeks. His lips moved down my neck and over my chest, sucking softly, lovingly, taking his time to make sure I remembered him at his best. "Kashi, you can't leave me now." I whispered, almost sobbed at him. "I need you, you can't leave me. You can't die, Kashi."

I hissed as he took a nipple into his mouth, blinding me and pushing all thoughts of death from my mind; but he wouldn't answer me. He wouldn't give me any verbal comfort as before - because he wouldn't be coming back this time. We both knew it; we could feel death in the room, following until the time to strike. I sobbed into his shoulder, trying to catch my breath as he panted into my ear. "Kakashi - please don't -"

"Shush." He whispered, pulling our sticky bodies apart and crushing me to his strong chest. It would be the last time; I wouldn't see Kakashi again after tonight.

"You won't be coming back to me, will you?" I whispered, the sobs stopping suddenly, "And you've known it since you received the mission, didn't you? That's why you were so impatient with me on the roof. Kashi - what will I do without you?"

"You'll take care of Naruto." I felt him smile against my shoulder, "Team 7 and the others. Gai will need another sparing partner - another Sharingan if you can rope Sasuke into it." He spoke that with certainty, as though the Uchiha was already back in the village and living a normal life. "Don't forget Icha Icha," He half laughed, "I'll expect you to bring the latest volume to my grave." I was quiet, I knew when to let someone tell their last wishes. "And Sakura - she'll need someone to help her keep Naruto and Sasuke in line. Sometimes they can forget she's there, gotta keep a close eye on those three." It was then that he pressed my chin up to look at him, both eyes staring at me softly, lovingly, "And you, don't grieve too long. I love you and don't want to see you cry over me too much. You look your best when you're laughing."

I felt my lips tremble and fell to his chest sobbing, the jounin whispering comforting words into my ears, drying my tears with kisses. I clung to him, unwilling to let him go at any point; but fatigue overtook me and I reluctantly fell asleep.

When I woke, Kakashi was gone; Icha Icha placed neatly on my bedside table along with two pictures: one of team 7 and one of his old team. I clutched the pillow that was still warm with Kakashi's scent and sobbed into it; wishing with all my might that it was my copy-nin. I didn't go to the missions desk that day or the entire week after. When Naruto came back to the village carrying a torn Hinata and Sasuke behind him with an unconscious Sakura - I didn't even look for Kakashi. A little pudgy dog nudged my shin as I walked beside the solemn group; in his muzzle was a head plate and I took it softly. "Kakashi said, remember to laugh." I nodded, but couldn't utter any words.

The memorial service passed quietly, and Naruto offered to pay for ramen afterward - but I declined, receiving worried glances but no protests. I lay the head plate beside the two pictures on my desk and frowned, biting back tears. The fire of the leaf village was passed to a new generation, every flame that flickered out was lit again in the hearts of another - but there were times, I wished the cycle would spare a few flames. I stepped outside into the pouring rain and sighed lowly; he would have been upset with me for getting wet again - but maybe, just this once, he'd forgive me.


End file.
